Dear Friends, (this is gonna be a long one.....)
A funny thing happened on the way to taking a little blog break... you see, I just wanted to take a break, ok? just a little break... to re-group, get some of my art projects organized and just have an online "breather" in general. Well, actually, a few things happened. Let me splain....it's never a short story with me...especially when it's been "long time, no talk".
Well, first of all...I got hit with a "forced break". A time out that I didn't want. I guess all the running around I'd been doing the last two months wore me down and I came down with a bad case of strep throat. I am now on my second batch of antibiotics and very, very slowly recovering. I've had 2 tests for mono. Both negative. Thank goodness. I have not been a happy camper. I guess my body did know that I had to take a break, but I guess I did it a little late, then ka-bloom. I've pretty much been on bed rest and of no use to anyone for more than 10 days now. This has been especially hard for me because, well, a) I normally hit the ground running and I wanna do stuff b) I have kids and people who look at me expecting caregiving and simply don't understand that Moms, do, infact, get sick. We are also suseptible to the common cold. Yes, we are. Don't look at me that way. Get your own cereal for crying out loud! Make yourself a dang quesadilla...
Let's just say, I've slept loads. The hubs has picked up alot of slack for me. The counter tops, I"m sure, will need MAJOR toothbrush scrub down, ie. crumb patrol, it's not clean 'til it squeeks kind of cleaning, when I get better. Things are "picked up", I occasionally wake up out of my antibiotic stooper and "reboot" the laundry....then that is "all she wrote for the day".. but they are doing a good job, yes. They love me, they want me to get better. Ok, so I digressed a bit here...
So,...where was I? Oh, yeah...since I've been "on the mend"...I've had a lot of time to think about junk....especially art junk. Since I haven't been in the throws of doing much art lately (which is unusual since that's my mojo everyday), I've had time to think about "it". I've basically looked around at the big huge "mess" I've created in my life. I've had some time to let some "doubt" creep in....some of that, "am I on the right path here?" kind of stuff...."am I too old for crayons?"....kind of stuff....that kind of, "pack up your mess and go get a 'real job' kind of voices"...yes, this is what glue stick and gesso withdrawal can do to a girl.....I didn't know that even silly little 'ole me was suseptible to "those" voices. After all, I'm just following my bliss out here is suburbia, minding my own glue stick. writing about how happy squares make me. I'm not busting my butt making a living with my art. So, what's my point....well, my point is, I'm making a hell of a mess of my house in the meantime and I don't have alot to show for it...other than a load of squares.. Anyhow. What I'm saying is...A while back when I was in the throws of my square bliss, I was wondering why I had hung up all my art junk years back and why I waited so long...and then I remembered...funny, how we forget. I remembered why. I remember why I had put it all the shelf. I remember WHY I had put it all away. It was because of one little four letter word....and that is, the MESS.
Yes, it was the mess. I was sick of my crafty mess. I remember it distinctly. The looks of disapproval I would get from friends and family members.....the frustration I would have in projects left undone....the fact the I couldn't find things. The guilt I had about allowing myself to devote myself to create pursuits and be a "good mom" at the same time. I remember now.
Then, I read a book that opened my heart and made me remember how much I loved color and art and how happy it made me feel and I got the mess out again....and it's been out for the past 2 years. It's been a great two years and me and you and the blog that's morphed from I don't know where and the great friends I've made online, and the awesome flickr groups and artists and swaps I've been in have all been the most fantastic ride I could EVER have imagined. It's like the universe just opened up for me. I can't even begin to mention how many people have embraced and supported me creatively from the day one of this new quest.....but NO one told me about this unwelcome party crasher....the one that comes in and tells you to put away your mess again and that you are silly and don't belong doing this anymore.
My closest art friend tells me that this means I'm just going through a "growth" phase. I'm thinking it's a "bla-bla-bla.....I don't wanna say it....block". But, whatever it is....I know I made one decision after days of wrestling with these thoughts back and forth in my mind, I'm in. I'm gonna go the distance. I'm gonna keep on keepin' on and I'm gonna EmBRACE MY MESS!!!!!
"I am an Artist.....I am here to live out loud..."
~Emile Zola
I've also looked back on how much art and creativity has given me: peace, joy, excitement, ideas, seeing the world in a new way, inspiration, amazement, it's a whole wonderful amazing world to live in!
REally, it is....and I don't want stop collecting all it's colors, words, and images and storing them into my collages. I'm not putting away my crayons just yet...
Thanks for listening friends.
